Blogtember: Something Old

Today is a solemn day for me and much of my family.  Five years ago, my beloved grandmother lost her [third] battle with cancer.

And I was there.

And it was heart-wrenching.

I think the worst part was watching my mother lose her mother.  She literally choked back vomit.

Even though I had lost two great-grandparents, one other grandma, a cousin, and a few school mates, this moment was the most profound moment of my life.  To this day, I can remember everything.  It was about 2:15 am and we had all had an opportunity to say our goodbyes, even though we were still praying for a miracle.

To say the least, it is very profound that today’s Blogtember prompt is “something old.”

After my aunts and uncles settled my grandma’s estate, my mom gifted to me my grandma’s old camera.

Fitting, eh?

It’s an old Hachi KX-66 with a hotshoe flash.

They’re going for about $20 on etsy.com and some weirdos on eBay are trying to squeeze $100 out of it.  You couldn’t get me to sell this for all the money in the world.

I wouldn’t say that Grandma and I ever even discussed a passion for photography.  She did love putting pictures on her walls, but I don’t know how hard she worked to be sure pictures were taken at family events or church outings.

All I know is she had this beauty.

And, just for fun, that flash goes with me to all my shoots.  I don’t even put batteries in it, but it works.  Even with my fancy schmancy DSLR.

That quilt the camera and flash are on? Made by my great-grandmother: her mother-in-law. Also old: made for me when I was a kid.

It’s like I get to carry her around with me.

And she gets to hang out with my husband at our house, even though they never met.

And one day, when I have my own photography office, this vintage camera will be central in decorating.

And I’ll wink at Grandma, who is no doubt cheering me on every step of the way.

With tears of fondness and mourning,
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A Turn

“Well, then, I resign.”

I overheard these words in a church parking lot when I was 15-almost-16.

It seems like a dream; like I totally invented it.  Truth is: it could be.

But since I had no clue that this overheard line would shape the rest of my life, I don’t think I invented this issue.

The person’s lips through which these words were spoken could not have known the impact that moment would have on my awakening life.  That person could not have possibly comprehended the immense respect he would earn from my soon-broken heart. I could never have known that I’d spend one-third of my life grieving that moment and would wait until I had gotten comfortable with 24 years of age before the pain caused at that moment would be jerked away by the very savior I had entrusted with my life just a few years earlier.

Whew.

It was intense.

It still is.

But I’m stronger.

And I’ve learned.

That humans, even with the best intentions, can be horribly, relentlessly jerkfaced.  That forgiveness is not saying, “It’s okay.”  That healing is a long–usually painstakingly torturous–process.  That amazing lessons come from deep pain.  That the Christ-derived love of humans helps healing progress.  And that this love can sometimes spark emotional healing.

And also that pain can use up a heart’s love space.

All healed up,
RejoicingRebecca

Blogtember: ENFj/P

Hello.  My name is Rebecca and I am … well, sometimes I am an ENFP and sometimes I am an ENFJ.

For those of you who have no clue what I am talking about: These are Myer’s Briggs Personalty Types.

In short, this means that I am:

  • An Extrovert (slightly; I have a 22% preference to extroversion over introversion)
  • Intuitive (moderately; I have a 50% preference of intuition over sensing)
  • A feeler (moderately; I have a 38% preference of feeling over thinking)
  • Judgement-based (distinctive; I have a 67% preference for judging over perceiving)

But wait.  I know I am also a big fan of perception.  And I can be introverted at times (hence, all the blogging and thinking and reflecting).  Let’s talk about this.

Firstly, I am an extrovert in my natural state; however, when a situation arises that makes me feel uncomfortable or requires me to analyze the people around me in order to decide how safe I feel, I become introverted so I can make my judgments.  Seriously, that’s how it is.

Secondly, I know that the perceiving/judging issue is directly related to my faith.  As a Christian, I recognize and follow distinct expectations set forth by the maker of the universe.  These are clear-cut expectations: Don’t lie; don’t hurt others; don’t make anything more important than God.  Conversely, as a Christian, I recognize grace.  I regularly work to remember grace–to give grace to others and to accept grace from others.  This puts me in a position which requires me to focus on the background of a person–not just what I’m viewing immediately in front of me.  What’s the story? How can I love this person? 

I love personality tests.  Maybe it’s the self-consumed person in me.

I find them fascinating.

What is your personality type?

Reflectively,
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Blogtember: Afeared

One time, I was afraid to fall in love.  It’s true.

I’m not sure if I’m ashamed to admit this or not.  I’ll get back to you on that.

But I was afraid.  I had gone on a few dates with Seth, but I was afraid of what it would mean to actually let myself fall in love.

I have more theories about why I was afraid to fall in love.

I think I had been looking and waiting for the man of my prayers to come along for such a long time that I was worried about the end of that search.  Since I’ve been praying for this for an eon, what will happen if I find the right one? What if I’m wrong. I don’t want to be wrong.  This is an example of some of my self-talk during that time.  I even journaled about it.

Also, I’m certain I was afraid I’d have to move to Columbus, which is exactly what happened.  Left to my own devices, this is not the decision I would have made, but God worked everything out before, during, and since the move.

But, seriously.  I was afeared. Afraid. Petrified. Worried.

I lost sleep over this.

Now?

I couldn’t have selected a more perfect match on my own.

God is Good.

Jeremiah 42.11 | Do not fear the king of Babylon, of whom you are afraid. Do not fear him, declares the LORD, for I am with you, to save you and to deliver you from his hand.

Relieved,
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Blogtember: My Raisins

Servants.

Legalists.

Bible-readers.

Blue-collar, hard-working, honest parents.

Givers.

Salvation.

Splendid teachers.

Respectful of authority.

Bible as authority.

Blackballers.

Rescuers.

Teachers.

Healers.

Supporters.

Challengers.

“You put sentences together better than my honors kids.”

Sorority sisters.

Butcher Brady.

First-generation college graduate.

Risk-taking.

English teacher.

Divine forgiveness intervention.

Master of Arts.

Online dating.

Love of my life.

Jesus intervention.

Attempted career derailment.

Hunker down.

God provides again.

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